Fabio- CHAMPION

“His flame-licked blue eyes burn into the depths of your soul. His thick, golden mane shines like a halo – yet he is no angel. He is a knight without mercy, gravely wounded by the ultimate betrayal. And he has vowed to love no more. CHAMPION.”

I have to confess, I have not really read this. I picked it up from my library for an event that my school's Dumbledore's Army is hosting called ShitLit, in which people show up and perform readings from really crappy books.  Aside from the fact that if you open to any random page, you get some of the most hilarious and overly dramatic lines ever, I don’t know much about this book. However, I can’t go without talking about the cover. We see Fabio in all his glory dressed as some kind of vaguely medieval knight. But there are so many things wrong with his clothing that I would barely call it that. 

Now before I get started, I know it’s just a silly romance novel and so on… but really, it’s just so wrong!! And maybe I just like an excuse to talk about costumes. (Sorry I couldn't get a bigger picture of the cover!)

First of all, Fabio is wearing something that I can only guess is supposed to be chainmail. To me it looks more like sequins. Also there’s definitely a shoulder seam on his right shoulder… not a characteristic of a material that is created to not have seams. This garment is also some sort of vest… not really something that existed as far as I know. There are examples of coats of mail that close in the front, but those always fasten up. Not so here. Also, can you imagine wearing chain mail against your bare skin? Doesn’t seem like the comfiest outfit ever. Chainmail was worn over “quilted armor” for cushioning blows. Cloth underneath and sometimes worn over top of the mail also protected it from getting too hot in the sun and burning the wearer. No doubt this garment was imagined simply to show off Fabio’s naked chest with no concern towards accuracy.

Not that I was staring at his crotch or anything, but Fabio also is very conspicuously wearing pants with a zipper fly. Modern zippers weren’t invented until 1913, and the earliest model, created by Elias Howe was still only invented in 1853. Zippers were not generally used in clothing until 1930’s. Silly cover designer!

Finally, Fabio has got some sort of strange armbands and metal cuffs on his bare arms that make him look like a djinni!

Whether or not you enjoy books like this, I hope you learned a little something. DFTBA!